EXCLUSIVE LOVE
Michael O. Ewetuga
A musician in my country asserted in his music that a Bachelor that has no wife (I
guess if he does he won’t be a bachelor) who sleeps alone, that is the enjoyment of
life, the day he takes a wife his problems multiplies. Usually the problem might not
be the wife, the problem could be the children, the sisters or brothers or the children
regardless of whether or not they are yours.
I don’t know if this has ever happened to another person but I know there were times
I was jealous of my own child. Sometimes you get back from work and dying to
share some stories or office gossip with your wife or girlfriend and she is busy
feeding the baby or watching them sleep to make sure everything was alright or the
baby decided to ask for attention at that material time or the baby needed to be
cleaned or breastfed and stuff like that.
That is not to say that I didn’t love my children, our children are important, God knows
I love mine to death, and so are our parents and brothers and sisters and friends but
no one is supposed to be as important as the guy that got your heart or so we were
taught to believe.
I know there are children who, for one reason or the other, do not love their parents. It
may be because they believe their parents are too conservative or they hold a hard
line stance about some issues or maybe because they felt that their parents do not
love them enough because they are dating or getting married to some men or
women other than their daddies or mommies or will not let them have their ways.
The reasons could be many and varied.
In a world where everyone seeks attention, it is difficult to express love towards
another person, especially someone you just met and love, in a manner that will
show people in our lives that they still have our love despite that other person and
that they are important and be able to convince them that the love a parent has for the
child or the child for the parent or between brothers or brothers and sisters do not
diminish because one happens to love another person.
People do feel insecure when their dads or moms or sons or daughters or brothers
or sisters are getting married, a situation that brings out all sort of hostilities more
towards the other guy than their own, it’s like how dare you come in and rock the
boat, usually, the couples are called upon to take side in almost all situations,
sometimes creating tension in a marriage and at other times actually breaking it up.
If we love someone aren’t we supposed to be happy when something or someone
makes them happy? I think the selfish nature of man comes in when people we love
or close to are getting into a relationship or getting married and moving on in life.
This side of us shows even when we were kids and I think it grows with us and get
worse except that sometimes we become matured and learn to live with the fact that
our dads, moms, brothers, sisters, children need to choose someone to journey
their lives with and reluctantly we allow them to move on.
As kids, there are times we introduce two of our friends who did not previously know
each other, they hit it off and it seems like they were always together and not
bothering with us. This brings out the jealousy in us and we complain to everyone
that cared to listen that we introduce those two now they are behaving like they didn’t
even know us. I know I had to deal with situations like that growing up. My friends
had called me a betrayal when they introduced me to other guys and I had struck it
off nicely with those other guys and see each other more than the guy that introduced
us and I had felt the same way when two guys I introduced seem to hit it off.
The above situation is not as bad as when two of your friends disagreed and
decided to commence a cold war. You end up being at the middle of it because
when one sees you with the other it was as if you’re not a good friend, they demand
of you to take side and choose one instead of trying to maintain your relationship
with both.
Sometimes the love between parents goes sour and they shamelessly bring the
children into the feud. Some are so shameless they sit the children down and tell
them most horrifying tales about the other person, a situation that confuses the
children and make them unhappy and that could affect them psychologically in future.
The kind of love people exhibit and teach most times are exclusive, selfish love, a
love that leaves no room for others to come in. sometimes the argument goes thus,
between say husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend “if you love me then you
should not love another, if indeed you love me you should want to be with me rather
than with another person. Why should you go out with your friends when you know I
want you to be with me, that was most inconsiderate, if you love me you should want
to be with me not running the streets with your so called friends”
The children feel betrayed if their mom or dad, whichever of the two they are with,
goes out on a date with a man or a woman and the feeling usually is “she doesn’t
really love us, she’s been at work all day and just when we were going to tell her
about what happened in school she was getting dressed to go out with that terrible
guy. If she loves us she should want to be with us” the anger and frustration is
directed at the guy and if their wish for him could come to pass he would be dead
within seconds.
The same goes for parents. After nurturing their kids for so many years, they grow up
real quick and before you know what’s happening, they are getting ready to move to
another continent with a guy they just met in college. They feel betrayed because they
kind of expected the kids to hang around and keep them company, take care of them
like they did when the kids were growing up, but here they are getting ready to leave
them at the drop of a hat with some guy or girl they just met.
Everybody hides under the umbrella of love to be selfish, not wanting the other
person to live their lives, they profess love that is only valid when others are shut out
and they are the only ones getting all the attention, I thought love was supposed to
be sharing and unselfish.
Michael O. Ewetuga
A musician in my country asserted in his music that a Bachelor that has no wife (I
guess if he does he won’t be a bachelor) who sleeps alone, that is the enjoyment of
life, the day he takes a wife his problems multiplies. Usually the problem might not
be the wife, the problem could be the children, the sisters or brothers or the children
regardless of whether or not they are yours.
I don’t know if this has ever happened to another person but I know there were times
I was jealous of my own child. Sometimes you get back from work and dying to
share some stories or office gossip with your wife or girlfriend and she is busy
feeding the baby or watching them sleep to make sure everything was alright or the
baby decided to ask for attention at that material time or the baby needed to be
cleaned or breastfed and stuff like that.
That is not to say that I didn’t love my children, our children are important, God knows
I love mine to death, and so are our parents and brothers and sisters and friends but
no one is supposed to be as important as the guy that got your heart or so we were
taught to believe.
I know there are children who, for one reason or the other, do not love their parents. It
may be because they believe their parents are too conservative or they hold a hard
line stance about some issues or maybe because they felt that their parents do not
love them enough because they are dating or getting married to some men or
women other than their daddies or mommies or will not let them have their ways.
The reasons could be many and varied.
In a world where everyone seeks attention, it is difficult to express love towards
another person, especially someone you just met and love, in a manner that will
show people in our lives that they still have our love despite that other person and
that they are important and be able to convince them that the love a parent has for the
child or the child for the parent or between brothers or brothers and sisters do not
diminish because one happens to love another person.
People do feel insecure when their dads or moms or sons or daughters or brothers
or sisters are getting married, a situation that brings out all sort of hostilities more
towards the other guy than their own, it’s like how dare you come in and rock the
boat, usually, the couples are called upon to take side in almost all situations,
sometimes creating tension in a marriage and at other times actually breaking it up.
If we love someone aren’t we supposed to be happy when something or someone
makes them happy? I think the selfish nature of man comes in when people we love
or close to are getting into a relationship or getting married and moving on in life.
This side of us shows even when we were kids and I think it grows with us and get
worse except that sometimes we become matured and learn to live with the fact that
our dads, moms, brothers, sisters, children need to choose someone to journey
their lives with and reluctantly we allow them to move on.
As kids, there are times we introduce two of our friends who did not previously know
each other, they hit it off and it seems like they were always together and not
bothering with us. This brings out the jealousy in us and we complain to everyone
that cared to listen that we introduce those two now they are behaving like they didn’t
even know us. I know I had to deal with situations like that growing up. My friends
had called me a betrayal when they introduced me to other guys and I had struck it
off nicely with those other guys and see each other more than the guy that introduced
us and I had felt the same way when two guys I introduced seem to hit it off.
The above situation is not as bad as when two of your friends disagreed and
decided to commence a cold war. You end up being at the middle of it because
when one sees you with the other it was as if you’re not a good friend, they demand
of you to take side and choose one instead of trying to maintain your relationship
with both.
Sometimes the love between parents goes sour and they shamelessly bring the
children into the feud. Some are so shameless they sit the children down and tell
them most horrifying tales about the other person, a situation that confuses the
children and make them unhappy and that could affect them psychologically in future.
The kind of love people exhibit and teach most times are exclusive, selfish love, a
love that leaves no room for others to come in. sometimes the argument goes thus,
between say husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend “if you love me then you
should not love another, if indeed you love me you should want to be with me rather
than with another person. Why should you go out with your friends when you know I
want you to be with me, that was most inconsiderate, if you love me you should want
to be with me not running the streets with your so called friends”
The children feel betrayed if their mom or dad, whichever of the two they are with,
goes out on a date with a man or a woman and the feeling usually is “she doesn’t
really love us, she’s been at work all day and just when we were going to tell her
about what happened in school she was getting dressed to go out with that terrible
guy. If she loves us she should want to be with us” the anger and frustration is
directed at the guy and if their wish for him could come to pass he would be dead
within seconds.
The same goes for parents. After nurturing their kids for so many years, they grow up
real quick and before you know what’s happening, they are getting ready to move to
another continent with a guy they just met in college. They feel betrayed because they
kind of expected the kids to hang around and keep them company, take care of them
like they did when the kids were growing up, but here they are getting ready to leave
them at the drop of a hat with some guy or girl they just met.
Everybody hides under the umbrella of love to be selfish, not wanting the other
person to live their lives, they profess love that is only valid when others are shut out
and they are the only ones getting all the attention, I thought love was supposed to
be sharing and unselfish.
Minorities Interests
Knowledge, Culture, Social
Meet And Share
Knowledge, Culture, Social
Meet And Share
