I NEED A BAD GIRL
Michael Femi Ewetuga
I have seen on TV and read in some newspapers some people thinking some words
should be banned while others think banning words would offend the provisions of the
constitution that guarantees freedom of speech. I have expressed my view in another
article as to whether or not banning the “N” word would offer any kind of solution to the
black people’s problems or should I say self esteem.
Just when I was getting done with the article a council woman in NY started advocating for
a ban of the “B” word. I saw this on television and she was asked what I regarded a very
appropriate question, “if you ban the word “bitch” what would you call a female dog?”
Shakespeare wondered in Romeo and Juliet “what’s in a name? that which we call a rose
by any other name would smell as sweet” in case this doesn’t make sense, I think it does,
then let’s turn it around “what’s in a name? that which we call shit a rose would smell as
bad. No matter what you choose to call something sweet or bad such things will retain
their real essence.
This issue of names together with the philosophy of positive thinking is the reason why
some people claim you are what you call yourself, some people believe so much in the
positive thinking philosophy as well as power in spoken words. I am a realist and naturally
do not believe in either of these two concepts and I will tell you why:
Let’s take the “you are what you call yourself” example. Let us assume someone wants to
take up a nickname and he decided to call himself Gorilla, would that make him or make
him act like a Gorilla, essentially do all Gorillas act the same way, what makes a Gorilla a
Gorilla?
Now to the power in the word philosophy: assuming someone has been diagnosed with a
terminal disease for which there’s no cure, would saying he would live to be old make the
person get to an old age, assuming such an individual is a teenager?
I am one of those who believe that you are what you are regardless of what people call you
or you call yourself, nothing and no one can change your essence. I therefore have no
problem with words and some of the bad words are just a mere distraction, at any rate
who decides when a word is bad or good, words that are bad in one culture may mean
direct opposite in another culture. If you are a Nigerian or close to one perhaps you have
heard of the story of two friends, one visited the other’s village and it was time for
introduction.
In the normal Yoruba language a friend is “ore”, a cutlass is “ada” and one’s mom could
be “iya” or “mama” etc. In the friend’s village a friend is “ota” which in normal Yoruba
means “enemy and mom is “ada” which, like I said earlier, in normal Yoruba is “cutlass”
You can imagine the friend’s horror when his friend said “ota mi de, ada mi da?” which in
his own dialect means “my friend is here, where’s my mom” but which in normal Yoruba
would translate to “my enemy is here, where’s my cutlass?”
I read about the power of the word in old Egyptian culture where it was claimed that a
curse, which consist of spoken words, could remain potent for thousand of years. I am not
approving or disapproving this assertion. To my mind intention is what matters most, and
to me the most important thing is for one to keep one’s eyes on one’s goal and work
tirelessly to achieve it or them, if you have goals that is.
And talking of goal, life is not a roller coaster, that is one thing that we all will realize at one
time or the other. Making it in life is most times not a matter of planning; just when you
think you have everything wrapped up something jumps out of no where and mess up one’
s plans, therefore not all goals will be realized.
I have seen people plan for old age only to die young and I have heard young girls dream
of a family only for their hands not to be asked for in marriage. People talk of how many
children they want to have ending up having none or more than envisaged. Life blows the
whistle on us sometime or the other.
Human beings must play God, we want to have situations under our control we love that
role despite the fact that we are quick to concede it to God, we proclaim leaving everything
to God yet checkmating him every opportunity we have. When things are not going our
ways we turn to God in prayer, submitting to his wills yet bending him to ours, thy will be
done is a very strange concept when humans want something that they want God to help
them with.
So with the concept of positive word and leaving everything to God in sight I go to the main
focus of this article, what people call us, what we call ourselves and what we are, that
being the first part, the second part is how we end up despite what we are called or what
we call ourselves.
I love music, I have said that several times that some people must be bored hearing me
say it, the reason why I’m saying it is because I know most music but do not really care
that much about who sang them. Sometimes you are at the club and the DJ is playing all
sort of music with view of getting people on the dance floor and no one is dancing, then he
plays a music like “I want a bad bitch, yes, if you’re a bad bitch” and the dance floor
suddenly become over populated. You see people, especially the women, jump on the
dance floor in a jiffy, you then wonder if most women regard themselves as bad bitches.
Our parents, especially in Africa, for whatever reason failed and are still failing to educate
children in terms of relationship and sex. As a matter of fact children are brought up to look
at sex as a taboo, something that cannot be discussed and something that one must not
indulge in. if your parents are religious, especially Christians and Muslims, then sex is a
sure vehicle and direct highway to hell.
These teachings are responsible for dismal performance of some women in the
bedroom, labeling some sexual activities as being dirty, failing to get their partners to the
desirable height. To some people, no matter how good you are, when you fail in that
department you are expendable. Some people grow up to overcome this and of course
they are the “bad girls”
The good girls are brought up to follow a certain pertain, they are expected to desist from
certain things that are sure to mess up their lives. Good girls don’t drink, smoke or use
drugs. Good girls don’t have sex until a man comes around and properly ask for their
hands in marriage. Good girls don’t go running after men nor are they dressed like
hookers or prostitutes or whores or whatever name you want to give to a profession that is
said to be the oldest profession in the world.
When a good girl gets married, she is supposed to obey her husband, take whatever he
dishes out and recognize him as the lord and master of the house even when he isn’t
man enough to deserve that position. She is expected to keep her composure when her
husband is talking to or should I say talking at her. Worse case scenario, even when she
is abused she is supposed to take whatever injuries she is afflicted with, be it physical,
mental and if you believe in the spiritual then that one too.
Good girl is supposed to make sure, at whatever cost, that her marriage stands the test of
time, even when the husband is a drunkard, a womanizer, adulterer; I guess you have to
womanize to commit adultery, maybe we should treat that as one and the same. On top of
that she is supposed to hold on even if he’s an abuser.
What is the rationale behind staying in a relationship that is not only killing you physically,
mentally and if you are spiritual, spiritually too? The children, the golden children, children
who must be shielded from the bad things that seem to be inherent in life, so they could
turn out to be better people in future, after all, they are our future, leaders of tomorrow and
we must bring them up to be leaders of tomorrow, not just leaders but worthy leaders.
If any of those children are female, they are to be brought up to be like their moms,
accepting whatever their husbands dish out and the boys of course are supposed to take
after daddies, the head of the family behaving as if the head is cut off.
Bad girls are girls that don’t really give a damn about conventional things. When they want
a man they go after him, sometimes regardless of the fact that such men are married.
Bad girls are dressed to kill, showing off essential parts of the body, leaving little to the
imagination. Bad girls drink, smoke and party like there’s no tomorrow, they are example
of what a girl is not supposed to be.
Sexually, bad girls are well versed in the act and would do a whole lot of things with the
man’s body that will make the good girls puke. Some bad girls are so bad that they have
kids even before they are out of high school; they are not the kind of girls you would ask
your daughter to look at as role models.
Ordinarily, the good girls having conducted themselves in a way that society dictates, by
conforming to the rules as laid down by moral experts, are supposed to reap the fruits of
their obedience by netting the best husbands in the market. But is that always the case?
I have seen bad girls have children that turned out to be every mom’s dream despite their
mom’s short comings and I have seen the good girls give birth to the worst kind of specie
that makes you wonder where they got them.
I have seen a bad girl net the most eligible bachelor in the market while the good girl
clutch her bible and go to every service available at the church praying for a good husband.
I have seen a good girl get married only to lose her man to the bad girl.
We fail to realize that we must live our lives according to what has been predestined
regardless of how we turn out and definitely regardless of what we or other people
perceive us to be, if you believe in destiny you could say there’s no changing it.
Regardless of what we are called the ultimate decision maker is God and who is good
and who is bad is according to his definition, not ours. He has written the book of our lives
in conformity of which we just play our role as written, which is probably why Shakespeare
said in “As You Like It”:
“All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts, …”
We sure love to leave everything to God but we intend to get it all back through prayers. I
am not advocating for girls to be bad but then that depends on what you term bad. If you
term being able to satisfy a man bad, if you term being confident about yourself and being
sexual and erotic as bad then of course I would rather be with a bad girl. I am not also
saying a bad girl gets it all or that she would make heaven but the decision as to who
does and who doesn’t rest with God who I believe gave us all the organs that we possess
for a reason and using it to the dictate of nature to me can not be bad. A little imagination
in the bedroom won’t hurt anyone either.
If being bad is satisfying your partner, then I say be as bad as you can!
Michael Femi Ewetuga
I have seen on TV and read in some newspapers some people thinking some words
should be banned while others think banning words would offend the provisions of the
constitution that guarantees freedom of speech. I have expressed my view in another
article as to whether or not banning the “N” word would offer any kind of solution to the
black people’s problems or should I say self esteem.
Just when I was getting done with the article a council woman in NY started advocating for
a ban of the “B” word. I saw this on television and she was asked what I regarded a very
appropriate question, “if you ban the word “bitch” what would you call a female dog?”
Shakespeare wondered in Romeo and Juliet “what’s in a name? that which we call a rose
by any other name would smell as sweet” in case this doesn’t make sense, I think it does,
then let’s turn it around “what’s in a name? that which we call shit a rose would smell as
bad. No matter what you choose to call something sweet or bad such things will retain
their real essence.
This issue of names together with the philosophy of positive thinking is the reason why
some people claim you are what you call yourself, some people believe so much in the
positive thinking philosophy as well as power in spoken words. I am a realist and naturally
do not believe in either of these two concepts and I will tell you why:
Let’s take the “you are what you call yourself” example. Let us assume someone wants to
take up a nickname and he decided to call himself Gorilla, would that make him or make
him act like a Gorilla, essentially do all Gorillas act the same way, what makes a Gorilla a
Gorilla?
Now to the power in the word philosophy: assuming someone has been diagnosed with a
terminal disease for which there’s no cure, would saying he would live to be old make the
person get to an old age, assuming such an individual is a teenager?
I am one of those who believe that you are what you are regardless of what people call you
or you call yourself, nothing and no one can change your essence. I therefore have no
problem with words and some of the bad words are just a mere distraction, at any rate
who decides when a word is bad or good, words that are bad in one culture may mean
direct opposite in another culture. If you are a Nigerian or close to one perhaps you have
heard of the story of two friends, one visited the other’s village and it was time for
introduction.
In the normal Yoruba language a friend is “ore”, a cutlass is “ada” and one’s mom could
be “iya” or “mama” etc. In the friend’s village a friend is “ota” which in normal Yoruba
means “enemy and mom is “ada” which, like I said earlier, in normal Yoruba is “cutlass”
You can imagine the friend’s horror when his friend said “ota mi de, ada mi da?” which in
his own dialect means “my friend is here, where’s my mom” but which in normal Yoruba
would translate to “my enemy is here, where’s my cutlass?”
I read about the power of the word in old Egyptian culture where it was claimed that a
curse, which consist of spoken words, could remain potent for thousand of years. I am not
approving or disapproving this assertion. To my mind intention is what matters most, and
to me the most important thing is for one to keep one’s eyes on one’s goal and work
tirelessly to achieve it or them, if you have goals that is.
And talking of goal, life is not a roller coaster, that is one thing that we all will realize at one
time or the other. Making it in life is most times not a matter of planning; just when you
think you have everything wrapped up something jumps out of no where and mess up one’
s plans, therefore not all goals will be realized.
I have seen people plan for old age only to die young and I have heard young girls dream
of a family only for their hands not to be asked for in marriage. People talk of how many
children they want to have ending up having none or more than envisaged. Life blows the
whistle on us sometime or the other.
Human beings must play God, we want to have situations under our control we love that
role despite the fact that we are quick to concede it to God, we proclaim leaving everything
to God yet checkmating him every opportunity we have. When things are not going our
ways we turn to God in prayer, submitting to his wills yet bending him to ours, thy will be
done is a very strange concept when humans want something that they want God to help
them with.
So with the concept of positive word and leaving everything to God in sight I go to the main
focus of this article, what people call us, what we call ourselves and what we are, that
being the first part, the second part is how we end up despite what we are called or what
we call ourselves.
I love music, I have said that several times that some people must be bored hearing me
say it, the reason why I’m saying it is because I know most music but do not really care
that much about who sang them. Sometimes you are at the club and the DJ is playing all
sort of music with view of getting people on the dance floor and no one is dancing, then he
plays a music like “I want a bad bitch, yes, if you’re a bad bitch” and the dance floor
suddenly become over populated. You see people, especially the women, jump on the
dance floor in a jiffy, you then wonder if most women regard themselves as bad bitches.
Our parents, especially in Africa, for whatever reason failed and are still failing to educate
children in terms of relationship and sex. As a matter of fact children are brought up to look
at sex as a taboo, something that cannot be discussed and something that one must not
indulge in. if your parents are religious, especially Christians and Muslims, then sex is a
sure vehicle and direct highway to hell.
These teachings are responsible for dismal performance of some women in the
bedroom, labeling some sexual activities as being dirty, failing to get their partners to the
desirable height. To some people, no matter how good you are, when you fail in that
department you are expendable. Some people grow up to overcome this and of course
they are the “bad girls”
The good girls are brought up to follow a certain pertain, they are expected to desist from
certain things that are sure to mess up their lives. Good girls don’t drink, smoke or use
drugs. Good girls don’t have sex until a man comes around and properly ask for their
hands in marriage. Good girls don’t go running after men nor are they dressed like
hookers or prostitutes or whores or whatever name you want to give to a profession that is
said to be the oldest profession in the world.
When a good girl gets married, she is supposed to obey her husband, take whatever he
dishes out and recognize him as the lord and master of the house even when he isn’t
man enough to deserve that position. She is expected to keep her composure when her
husband is talking to or should I say talking at her. Worse case scenario, even when she
is abused she is supposed to take whatever injuries she is afflicted with, be it physical,
mental and if you believe in the spiritual then that one too.
Good girl is supposed to make sure, at whatever cost, that her marriage stands the test of
time, even when the husband is a drunkard, a womanizer, adulterer; I guess you have to
womanize to commit adultery, maybe we should treat that as one and the same. On top of
that she is supposed to hold on even if he’s an abuser.
What is the rationale behind staying in a relationship that is not only killing you physically,
mentally and if you are spiritual, spiritually too? The children, the golden children, children
who must be shielded from the bad things that seem to be inherent in life, so they could
turn out to be better people in future, after all, they are our future, leaders of tomorrow and
we must bring them up to be leaders of tomorrow, not just leaders but worthy leaders.
If any of those children are female, they are to be brought up to be like their moms,
accepting whatever their husbands dish out and the boys of course are supposed to take
after daddies, the head of the family behaving as if the head is cut off.
Bad girls are girls that don’t really give a damn about conventional things. When they want
a man they go after him, sometimes regardless of the fact that such men are married.
Bad girls are dressed to kill, showing off essential parts of the body, leaving little to the
imagination. Bad girls drink, smoke and party like there’s no tomorrow, they are example
of what a girl is not supposed to be.
Sexually, bad girls are well versed in the act and would do a whole lot of things with the
man’s body that will make the good girls puke. Some bad girls are so bad that they have
kids even before they are out of high school; they are not the kind of girls you would ask
your daughter to look at as role models.
Ordinarily, the good girls having conducted themselves in a way that society dictates, by
conforming to the rules as laid down by moral experts, are supposed to reap the fruits of
their obedience by netting the best husbands in the market. But is that always the case?
I have seen bad girls have children that turned out to be every mom’s dream despite their
mom’s short comings and I have seen the good girls give birth to the worst kind of specie
that makes you wonder where they got them.
I have seen a bad girl net the most eligible bachelor in the market while the good girl
clutch her bible and go to every service available at the church praying for a good husband.
I have seen a good girl get married only to lose her man to the bad girl.
We fail to realize that we must live our lives according to what has been predestined
regardless of how we turn out and definitely regardless of what we or other people
perceive us to be, if you believe in destiny you could say there’s no changing it.
Regardless of what we are called the ultimate decision maker is God and who is good
and who is bad is according to his definition, not ours. He has written the book of our lives
in conformity of which we just play our role as written, which is probably why Shakespeare
said in “As You Like It”:
“All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts, …”
We sure love to leave everything to God but we intend to get it all back through prayers. I
am not advocating for girls to be bad but then that depends on what you term bad. If you
term being able to satisfy a man bad, if you term being confident about yourself and being
sexual and erotic as bad then of course I would rather be with a bad girl. I am not also
saying a bad girl gets it all or that she would make heaven but the decision as to who
does and who doesn’t rest with God who I believe gave us all the organs that we possess
for a reason and using it to the dictate of nature to me can not be bad. A little imagination
in the bedroom won’t hurt anyone either.
If being bad is satisfying your partner, then I say be as bad as you can!
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